09 January 2008

I hate roses and other wacky things about me

There are some things about me that I think are fairly pragmatic, but I've been told are actually pretty wacky...maybe it's just that I don't buy into all the societal norms and expectations all the time...not even some of the time.
Well, I'm just me, take it or leave it...but in case you were wondering, here some of my beliefs that set me apart from the typical female homosapien. (Also known by the scientific term: Crazy-ass Bitch.)

  • I hate roses. It's true. Really. If you're stupid enough to waste you're money buying me roses, I won't even feign gratitude to spare your feelings. I will immediately throw them out.
  • Valentine's Day is just another way for Hallmark to make its profit margin for the year. Don't worry about the fancy dinner, obviously not the roses, or even jewelry...My affection cannot be bought--it's not about how much money is spent one day a year, but the quality of time spent throughout the year. And on that note...
  • Anniversaries are for people who are married. Yes, I typed it. Honey, you're off the hook. How do you determine an anniversary otherwise--the first time you met? --the first "real" date? --when you decided to call "it" something, or use titles? Jesus, how can any of us keep it straight? I'm lucky to remember my own birthday. This does not mean that I don't remember any special occasions, or have memorable moments with my man, but we can remind ourselves of those moments anytime. Why wait for once a year?
  • Marriage is for knocked-up teenagers from 1950. Well, maybe that doesn't apply to you, and you have a future desire to get married. To each his own. (It worked for my parents--still married after almost 35 years, my grandparents--married for 53 years when my Grandpa passed away.) I just don't see the need to get married. There's no tax break (at least not for me as a single parent), you can put domestic partners on health insurance, you can specify any individual you want in a living will, will or trust (And even if you were married, your family could still fight it--i.e. Terry Schiavo.) So, why? What's the point?
    And for those of you who insist upon getting married, just sign the damn pre-nup. If you really love the person "'Til death do you part" then what the hell is the difference?
    And for naysayers who get the impression I'm dried up and bitter...Um, no. Several people in my past have tried to convince me marriage is a good idea--I even went so far as to wear a ring at one point, but I smartened up, pulled my head out of my ass, and realized it's not for me. I was happily single, and I'm currently in a great relationship with the hottest man alive who happens to share my beliefs. Yay.
  • I will not carry a man's balls in my purse. Really. If you want to go out with your friends, and we have no prior commitment, then just let me know you're going--don't ask my permission. If you want to have a beer, have a damn beer. If you want to watch the game, watch the damn game.
    The above statements only become a problem under these circumstances:
    1) You constantly choose those options instead of or without ever including me.
    2) You are not able to financially support yourself, or keep up with your family obligations. Notice how it says "your" not "mine."

Now you know a few wacky things about me, and as GI Joe always said, "Knowing is half the battle."

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