Laughing Tantrum Release Therepy...I should try it

So, I've had a very testing and trying night with my children. They didn't want to eat what I made for dinner...so I made them something else, which they barely ate. AARGH! Of course, then, they are hungry, and want a snack. Which I won't let them have. So, I'm "Mean." I'm simultaneously taking care of them, arguing with them, answering the blackberry, cleaning out the fridge, and doing dishes...and I haven't eaten yet myself. All the while, they are fighting with each other. Because they're cranky. Because they didn't eat their dinner. And I won't give them a snack. Which makes me mean.

And Maddie needs me to do everything with her. Go Potty. Go get a doll from her room. Brush her teeth. I have to be next to her for everything. While I'm making food, cleaning the fridge, answering the blackberry, doing dishes and telling Peter to eat his dinner while he plays with legos. *SCREAMS*

So I put the kids in the bath...Maddie wants to brush her teeth, but not with the toothpaste in the bathroom, with the toothpaste in Peter's suitcase. But she won't go get it by herself. I snap. I refuse to go with her to get it out of the suitcase that's two rooms away (in my tiny 700 sq ft house everything is no more than two rooms away...) Tantrum ensues. I stick her in the tub anyway. More tantrum. I take her out, dry her off, put her jammies on her and put her in bed.

Both kids are hungry. But I won't give them a snack. I offer them their dinners, but that's not what they want. So I'm mean.

*SCREAMS*

I feel like a bad mom. I spent half the night being sharp or short with my kids. Maybe even yelled a couple times. But JESUS, can they listen? Can they let me sit for 2 minutes? I would have loved to have spent half the night sitting on the couch with them watching a movie...but I don't have time for that when I'm cooking two dinners, cleaning up after them, fighting with them over basic things like taking a bath. I'm so tired. I'm at my wits end.

Once I finally got two minutes to sit, I looked up my Free Will Astrology horoscope for this week:

Free Will Astrology, May 21st:
CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you're normal, you periodically feel little surges of anger that you don't express. Over time they may accumulate into a mass of blind rage that can hurt innocent bystanders, damage your relationships, and tempt you to punch holes in walls. Is there a way to keep this from happening? Yes, there is: It's my patented Laughing Tantrum Release Therapy, a five-minute ritual that you perform once a week in a private place with no witnesses. For four minutes, you fume, seethe, curse, and yell. For the final 60 seconds, you compel yourself to laugh uncontrollably. This week would be an excellent time to start integrating Laughing Tantrum Release Therapy into your routine.

It is uncanny how much this applies to me, and how much Free Will Astrology horoscopes tend to apply to my life.

Sigh. Don't mind me while I yell profanities for the next five minutes, then bust out laughing. I'm not crazy. I'm just practicing Laughing Tantrum Release Therepy.

Happy Mother's Day...to me

Yesterday, people kept asking me, "What are you doing for Mother's Day?"  Umm, it's another Sunday.  I'll drop my kids off at their dads like I always do, except today I'll send them with a gift for their dad's mom.  He won't acknowledge that the day, nor take the kids to get me anything.  (His mom will likely send a card home with the kids--you know a real special card ---she'll cross out Happy Birthday, write in Mother's Day, and sign the kids' names herself, then put $10 in it...)

The shocked expressions I get--"You're not spending extra time with your kids on Mother's Day?!"  

No. I"m not.  Does that make me a bad mom?  Every day is "Mother's Day" for me...I have my kids seven days per week.  I love them, they're awesome, but I still need my Sunday.  They still need to try to form a deeper connection with their dad.  I need the little bit of a break I get each week.

So, what am I doing for Mother's Day?  I'm dropping the kids off, I'm getting myself a haircut, I'm buying my daughter a dresser, I'm getting my work-stuff set for Monday, I'm picking up the house (all before noon), then I'm spending the rest of the day with my boyfriend...who will likely take me out to lunch, make me dinner, take me to a movie, and tell me to relax...which is a typical Sunday for us.  (He's awesome every day, not just on holidays...)

Sounds like a good Mother's Day to me...now I must go call my mom.

Pretend Dad

There's a part of me that had hoped it would've taken my kids another few years to figure this out....

Three weeks ago, after my ex dropped off the kids, my son was upset about his dad's choice of discipline for not eating breakfast. (Which, honestly, I don't agree with, but I didn't tell my son that. Anyway,I digress.)

So, Peter says to me (after his dad left): "He's just a pretend dad!"

Me: "What do you mean by that, Buddy?"

Peter: "You're my real owner" (ha) "You're the boss, he's not my boss, he only pretends!"

Me: "When you're at Daddy's house, he is the boss, I'm sorry buddy, that's just how it works. At his house you have to listen to him."


It's amazing how kids pick up on things. Peter isn't even five years old yet. Like I said, there's a part of me that hoped they wouldn't figure this out yet.


And a (very small) part of me that's glad they see how it is--makes me feel a bit more sane.

So, every day on the way to Daycare, we drive past a church that has a giant cross in front of the building--It's bigger than the trees that surround it. Every day, my 4.5 year old son asks, "Momma, what's that?"
Me: "It's a cross, it means there's a church there."
Him: "Oh, what's a church?"
Me: "It's where people go to learn about Jesus." Change the subject.

(I was raised Catholic, but have been inside a church maybe twice in the past 10 years, and am not practicing any religion, so feel no need to get into religion with my kids at this point in their young lives.)

The next day:
Him: "Momma, what's that?"
Me: "It's a cross, it means there's a church there."
Him: "Oh, what's a church?"
Me: "It's where people go to learn about Jesus." Change the subject.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Every day.

Today he asks, "Why does the church have a cross?"
Me: "Well, it's kind of like there sign. You know, like McDonald's has the golden arches on their sign so you know it's McDonald's?"
Him: "Ooohhh. Okay."
Me: "Does that make sense?"
Him: "Yeah Momma, Church is like McDonald's."