Dear Legbreaker

My man is so funny.  Check out his new advice column, Dear Legbreaker.  Move over Dear Abby, (better yet, cover your ears!) this is advice for the 21st century.

Yes We Can

I don't recall the last time I was so moved by any presidential candidate. It seems the past two elections were about voting against the wrong candidate, instead of for the right candidate. In fact, politics in general, since the 1970s have been like this.


Not anymore.




Yes WE can!

Pretend Dad

There's a part of me that had hoped it would've taken my kids another few years to figure this out....

Three weeks ago, after my ex dropped off the kids, my son was upset about his dad's choice of discipline for not eating breakfast. (Which, honestly, I don't agree with, but I didn't tell my son that. Anyway,I digress.)

So, Peter says to me (after his dad left): "He's just a pretend dad!"

Me: "What do you mean by that, Buddy?"

Peter: "You're my real owner" (ha) "You're the boss, he's not my boss, he only pretends!"

Me: "When you're at Daddy's house, he is the boss, I'm sorry buddy, that's just how it works. At his house you have to listen to him."


It's amazing how kids pick up on things. Peter isn't even five years old yet. Like I said, there's a part of me that hoped they wouldn't figure this out yet.


And a (very small) part of me that's glad they see how it is--makes me feel a bit more sane.

I am the shiz

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I hate roses and other wacky things about me

There are some things about me that I think are fairly pragmatic, but I've been told are actually pretty wacky...maybe it's just that I don't buy into all the societal norms and expectations all the time...not even some of the time.
Well, I'm just me, take it or leave it...but in case you were wondering, here some of my beliefs that set me apart from the typical female homosapien. (Also known by the scientific term: Crazy-ass Bitch.)

• I hate roses. It's true. Really. If you're stupid enough to waste you're money buying me roses, I won't even feign gratitude to spare your feelings. I will immediately throw them out.
  
• Valentine's Day is just another way for Hallmark to make its profit margin for the year. Don't worry about the fancy dinner, obviously not the roses, or even jewelry...My affection cannot be bought--it's not about how much money is spent one day a year, but the quality of time spent throughout the year. And on that note...
  
• Anniversaries are for people who are married. Yes, I typed it. Honey, you're off the hook. How do you determine an anniversary otherwise--the first time you met? --the first "real" date? --when you decided to call "it" something, or use titles? Jesus, how can any of us keep it straight? I'm lucky to remember my own birthday. This does not mean that I don't remember any special occasions, or have memorable moments with my man, but we can remind ourselves of those moments anytime. Why wait for once a year?
  
• Marriage is for knocked-up teenagers from 1950. Well, maybe that doesn't apply to you, and you have a future desire to get married. To each his own. (It worked for my parents--still married after almost 35 years, my grandparents--married for 53 years when my Grandpa passed away.) I just don't see the need to get married. There's no tax break (at least not for me as a single parent), you can put domestic partners on health insurance, you can specify any individual you want in a living will, will or trust (And even if you were married, your family could still fight it--i.e. Terry Schiavo.) So, why? What's the point?
  And for those of you who insist upon getting married, just sign the damn pre-nup. If you really love the person "'Til death do you part" then what the hell is the difference?
  And for naysayers who get the impression I'm dried up and bitter...Um, no. Several people in my past have tried to convince me marriage is a good idea--I even went so far as to wear a ring at one point, but I smartened up, pulled my head out of my ass, and realized it's not for me. I was happily single, and I'm currently in a great relationship with the hottest man alive who happens to share my beliefs. Yay.
  
• I will not carry a man's balls in my purse. Really. If you want to go out with your friends, and we have no prior commitment, then just let me know you're going--don't ask my permission. If you want to have a beer, have a damn beer. If you want to watch the game, watch the damn game.
  The above statements only become a problem under these circumstances:
  1) You constantly choose those options instead of or without ever including me.
  2) You are not able to financially support yourself, or keep up with your family obligations. Notice how it says "your" not "mine."

Now you know a few wacky things about me, and as GI Joe always said, "Knowing is half the battle."

Skinny Bitch

If you want to throw out all the food in your kitchen, read this book. Seriously--it's an eye opener. Well, actually it just spells out a lot of things most of us know, but are in denial of. Such as--the chemicals in processed foods. The antibiotics and hormones fed to animals that we eat, that we in turn digest. The horrendous conditions of dairy farms, cattle ranches, egg hatcheries.

Take out the cruelty to animals piece for a bit--I'm not going totally PETA on you--I promise--I won't give up my leather boots for birkenstocks! (I'm also not saying it's okay to be cruel to animals, just that it's not the only or primary reason for my concern.) Just think about what you are putting in your body:
-Another animal's milk?
-Rotting, decomposing flesh?
-Rotting, decomposing flesh riddled with hormones, antibiotics, drugs
-The unfertilized egg of another species?
-Vegetables that are processed and full of fertilizers and chemicals.

Why do we need to eat these things? Because the government says we need a "well-rounded" diet of dairy, meats, vegetables, limited grains. No wonder, the dairy and meat, and agriculture industries make a lot of money for our government.

What does this mean for me? Awareness. No more walking through life blind to what I put in my body. Read ingredients, know what you're eating. Make it organic, less processed, no chemicals. Eat out less, cook whole foods at home instead. Can it be more expensive? Probably. But isn't my and my children's health worth it?

Thank-you 49ers...

...For the return of my sex-life...

I got some on a Sunday for the first time in 8 weeks. For the good of Bay Area Football widows, please try that whole "winning" thing again...and soon. I just can't handle my man being depressed each and every Sunday--not to mention the scotch bill has been getting pretty high.

So, every day on the way to Daycare, we drive past a church that has a giant cross in front of the building--It's bigger than the trees that surround it. Every day, my 4.5 year old son asks, "Momma, what's that?"
Me: "It's a cross, it means there's a church there."
Him: "Oh, what's a church?"
Me: "It's where people go to learn about Jesus." Change the subject.

(I was raised Catholic, but have been inside a church maybe twice in the past 10 years, and am not practicing any religion, so feel no need to get into religion with my kids at this point in their young lives.)

The next day:
Him: "Momma, what's that?"
Me: "It's a cross, it means there's a church there."
Him: "Oh, what's a church?"
Me: "It's where people go to learn about Jesus." Change the subject.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Every day.

Today he asks, "Why does the church have a cross?"
Me: "Well, it's kind of like there sign. You know, like McDonald's has the golden arches on their sign so you know it's McDonald's?"
Him: "Ooohhh. Okay."
Me: "Does that make sense?"
Him: "Yeah Momma, Church is like McDonald's."

Cleaning house...

So, I already started cleaning my house--not just the normal, every day cleaning, the "I'm gutting out the cupboard under the kitchen sink" cleaning...and have a list of stuff I want to get rid of or replace, and then I see my horoscope for this week. (Free Will Astrology.):

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Move the furniture around. In
fact, why not move some of it right through the front door and out of your life? If we're lucky, this will get you in the mood to launch a purge of everything that no longer belongs under your roof. Maybe you could throw a Simplification Party, complete with an exorcism. Or corral your friends for a haul-it-all-away caravan to the garbage dump. I don't care how you do it, Cancerian. Just get rid of all knick-knacks, wall hangings, funny mirrors, broken dreams, balls and chains, and formerly cute mementoes that have lost their cuteness. It's time to liberate your home.

Replace:

• Couch
• Kitchen Chairs
• Craftsmen shelf in living
  room??
• Maddie's toddler bed??

Get rid of:

• Toys toys and more old kids'
  toys
• Half the junk in my storage--if I haven't
  looked at it in two years, I probably don't need it
• Ditto for the boxes of ?? in my closet from
  when I moved....
• Old kids' clothes
• Baby stuff (Because Lord knows I'm not
  having any more kids!): Crib, car seat, jumpy seat, bouncy seat....who
  knows what else in my storage.
• Clothes that don't fit me anymore.

Organize:

• Clothes in my room--maybe if I clean my
  closet, I can actuallyhang them up!
• Kitchen cupboards
• Metro shelf in laundry room--if I don't use
  it, throw it away, organize what's left.
• Kids' room...again...
• My desk--I'm sure it's under all that other stuff...I think...
• My room in general...
• My car--I spend 20 hours a week in it, I may as well enjoy it more :-)

Blahh...now if only I can find some kid-free time when I'm not already at work to get this done :-)

Sense of humor, anyone?

So, I picked out this t-shirt for my man--which he, of course, loved, and promptly purchased. Last night while wearing the shirt at the gas station, the woman pumping gas next to him gave him a dirty look and huffed at him. He even got a, "Well, I never!" To which, he replied (with a smile), "You know the best part? My girlfriend picked it out!" So she huffed.

I wish I had been there. I would've handed her a quarter.